27300We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom ...
27200If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overloo ...
27100 - When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more ...
27000Q: Why is Life so strange?
A: Because if we knew what was goi ...
26900"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smok ...
26800"It must have gone down while I was up..."
...
26700Only an unlit candle lasts forever.
...
26600Marriages are made in Heaven. So are thunder & lightning.
...
26500I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.
I don' ...
26400"My computer screen says 'Press any key to continue'. Can I borr ...
26300"The big difference between sex for money and
sex for free is t ...
26200 To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. ...
26100 Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts av ...
26000 "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." -- ...
25900Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
...
25800"I think - therefore I'm single."
- Lizz ...
25700"The pom utility displays the current phase of the moon. Useful ...
25600A great way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a
mirror ...
25500Last words from a general in the
American Civil War: "Nonsense ...
25400"Yep, [My 21st is] only 3 years away, but I'm not going to have ...
25300First Rule of History:
History doesn't repeat itself -- histo ...
25200It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired. ...
25100"Whip me! Beat me! Make me light and fluffy!"
...
25000"You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a hor ...
24900 "All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than
...
24800
"The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
they wou ...
24700"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we shoul ...
24600"... fishky fishky fishky... fishky fishky fishky... fishky fish ...
24500You can't expect a boy to be depraved until he has been to a goo ...
24400Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
...
24300"Excellent, there's nothing quite like a blunt object to reinfor ...
24200 "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still
...
24100"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy ...
24000Seen on a bumper sticker...
No Radio - Already Stolen
...
23900
A friend asked my wife if I was hard to please
She ...
23800If I had done what President Clinton did
My wife would have "i ...
23700G. C. Lichtenberg:
"The worst thing you can possibly do i ...
23600 "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man
I ...
23500 Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little tr ...
23400 If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to ...
23300Samuel Colt- Inventor of the point-and-click interface.
Sen ...
23200Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I t ...
23100Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did ...
23000"If I had a dollar for every casino in the world, I'd probably l ...
22900 Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding rin ...
22800 The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people wh ...
22700"Are you seriously asking or are you just being a dick?"
...
22600If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.
- K ...
22500'When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a re ...
22400 "Crime does not pay... as well as politics." -- Alfred E. Ne ...
22300Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only th ...
22200"In the beginning the world was without form, and void. And God ...
22100
My mother made me a whore.
(to which someone else ad ...
22000There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ...
21900"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. ...
21800'Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggie!' till you can find ...
21700Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words
"large ...
21600Well, aren't we just a ray of stinking sunshine?
...
21500It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
- ...
21400When there's a will, I want to be in it!
...
21300"... this is telling us that our important words are 'smelt', 'b ...
21200 - You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you ...
21100"Mine's proportionally longer than most."
...
21000"Television is a medium.
Proof:
a) Television is not ra ...
20900"I can write better than anybody who can write faster,
and I c ...
20700"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think
of it ...
20600 Calkin's Law of Menu Language
The number of adjectives and verb ...
20500"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate
it to the ...
20400"Can I LART an aol'r for attempting to subscribe to a majordomo ...
20300"Now I understand why the post office puts up wanted posters for ...
20200 A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. ...
20100A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watc ...
20000 On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor S ...
19900My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes s ...
19800
The internet is a great way to get on the net
- Bob Do ...
19700 "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man
I ...
19600
I sometimes get up grumpy, but then she wakes up.
...
19500 "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man;
if you ...
19400Man does not control his own fate.
The women in his life do tha ...
19300"As God once said, and I think rightly..."
Margaret Thatcher ...
19200Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like
grapes, and ...
19100"If you'd been where I'd been... if you'd seen the things I'd se ...
19000Only a fool is astonished by the foolishness of humankind.
...
18900 "A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word y ...
18800No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it ...
18700"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of t ...
18600Women are like fine wine. They all start
out fresh, fruity and ...
18500I invented the cordless extension cord.
...
18400"[Do you hate people?]"
"Pretty much, I would have to say absolu ...
18300 - Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
...
18200It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired. ...
18100Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed for it.
...
18000 It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
...
17900Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say ...
17800Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime ...
17700If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lac ...
17600
Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.
...
17500Bumper Sticker seen in DC...
Don't blame me, I blew Bob Dole
...
17400the last person to laugh is slow and partially retarded
Sent ...
17300"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde.
...
17200"Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms"
...
17100"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep!
...
17000"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt"
...
16900Friends are like fiddle strings;
they must not be screwed too t ...
16800"Jason's over in his tent, go and bugger him..."
...
16700 As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not ...
16600"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Sadda ...
16500Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to ...
16400Unknown:
"Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry ...
16300I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
...
16200Trust everyone.
It's not like you have any really important sec ...
16100 "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests ...
16000 - At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional ...
15900 Anyalyzing humour is like dissecting a frog: nobody enjoys i ...
15800Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can orga ...
15700LOVE -- irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.
- Mar ...
15600There is no room in today's drug culture for amateurs.
...
15500Nothing is politically right that is
morally wrong.
...
15400On Clinton: "A man will occasionally step on his dick, but he sh ...
15300 - Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
...
15200"There was an advert in the local paper last week placed by a lo ...
15100 * It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely ...
15000"How to Overthrow the System: brew your own beer; kick in your T ...
14900It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool
than to spe ...
14800"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
...
14700Mind your own business, Spock.
I'm sick of your half breed inte ...
14600Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to ...
14500 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Se ...
14400
A sign I saw at a swimming pool once:
We don't swim ...
14300 "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a
...
14200 Ross's Law
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they alwa ...
14100God did not create the world in 7 days; he screwed
around for 6 ...
14000"Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can ...
13900"Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Bioche ...
13800"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
...
13700"Flooding... No really, flooding. Bring an Ark."
...
13600 Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meanin ...
13500 What we lawyers want to do is substitute courts
...
13400"hppt:\\\\"
-- Clueless ...
13300Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline,
the first often tastin ...
13200 Life is a shit sandwich & everyday you take another bite.
...
13100"No Ange, I'm _not_ coming to your party, I'm playing strip twis ...
13000We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools;
tha ...
12900 Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can ...
12800A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watc ...
12700 Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little tr ...
12600"User error. Replace user and press any key to continue."
...
12500 Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make viole ...
12400"What is the difference between apathy and ignorance?
I don't k ...
12300"Then again, what should we expect from the makers of 'Stargate' ...
12200
Sign posted in a bathroom:
We aim to please!
You ...
12100My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.
...
12000Last words of
Allen, Ethan (1738-1789)
"Waiting are ...
11900 "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circl ...
11800 ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.
...
11700
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining, or testing
...
11600"The pom utility displays the current phase of the moon. Useful ...
11500Knuckling Down:
A leader is best when people barely know he exi ...
11400"An artist is a person who can hold two contradictory thoughts i ...
11300"... this is telling us that our important words are 'smelt', 'b ...
11200If there's one thing I hate, it's a proctologist with poor depth ...
11100The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
-- Dizzy D ...
11000"Let the wild rumpus begin!"
...
10900"Truth decays into beauty, while beauty soon becomes merely char ...
10800 * A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your m ...
10700"The future will be better tomorrow."
- J. Danforth Qua ...
10600"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit."
Mel ...
10500"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts. ...
10400Pollution costs us millions; grime doesn't pay.
...
10300If a great deal of time has been expended seeking the answer to ...
10200When we are planning for posterity, we ought to
remember that v ...
10100Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.
...
10000"Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it be ...
9900When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands ...
9800I only use de-oudourant under one arm,
so I know what I would h ...
9700 Edward Chilton - "I'm worried that the universe will soon
...
9600 * Applying computer technology is simply finding the right ...
9500Platonic friend is like a dick in a glass.
In case of an emerge ...
9400 What we call human nature, is actually human habit. -- Jewel ...
9300I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because
I know I ...
9200 I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for someone who care ...
9100"This song explores a more contemporary version of Jungian psych ...
9000There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
...
8900The simple step of a courageous individual is not to
take part ...
8800
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine m ...
8700"Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere ...
8600I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel
like getting ...
8500How come we choose from just two people to run for president and ...
8400Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
...
8300You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.
...
8200"The following two statements are usually both true:
There's no ...
8100My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don' ...
8000 * If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil ...
7900 It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
...
7800"You're not playing klondike again are you?"
"No, it's a halluci ...
7700"Only Lawyers and mental defectives are
automatically exempt fo ...
7600All I got for Christmas was a sweater...
I would have prefered ...
7500"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently
three out ...
7400Broken promises don't upset me. I just think 'Why did they belie ...
7300He's so vain every time he masturbates
he dedicates it to a di ...
7200You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
...
7100"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather ...
7000 ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth---they are to ...
6900I love being married. It's so great to find that one
special pe ...
6800
Any man who thinks marriage is a 50/50 proposition proves ...
6700Without question, the greatest invention in the history of manki ...
6600 * There was this lover who told his love that he would go t ...
6500Lead us not into temptation.
Just tell us where it is; we'll fi ...
6400If a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, a liberal is
...
6300Despair leads to boredom, electronic games,
computer hacking, p ...
6200Many of life's failures are people who did not realize
how clos ...
6100"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money
I could ha ...
6000After finding no qualified candidates for the position
of princ ...
5900Antique is just another word for second-hand.
...
5800 What we lawyers want to do is substitute courts
...
5700"So... your place or my mother's?"
-- me ...
5600Confucious say: "Man who runs in front
of car will soon get ti ...
5500"There are two kinds of people I cannot abide: bigots and any we ...
5400"Alex, let's make it a true Daily Double; what is "Kiss my fucki ...
5300Virginity can be cured.
...
5200Girls, just to let you know...
if you get them by the balls, th ...
5100There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ...
5000"Paper can KILL if it's thrown hard enough, sometimes."
...
4900 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
...
4800"It's Benno with a black coat, dark hair and a hairy bit."
"No, ...
4700Main cause of death for hummingbirds: Crashing ass-first into t ...
4600 I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for someone who care ...
4500I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... B ...
4400"Love is my Sword, Goodness my Armor, And Humor my Shield."
...
4300"... powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a nerf ...
4200"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by ...
4100"Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizar ...
4000
"Seek Unity and you will find neither Unity nor Truth. Seek th ...
3900 A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on th ...
3800'On the other hand the early worm gets eaten'
Anon
...
3700"If I were going to convert to any religion, I would probably ch ...
3600One by one the penguins are stealing my sanity.
Sent by Ang ...
3500
Vows begin when hope dies.
...
3400
(written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here ...
3300"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright.
...
3200 * Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the le ...
3100
Don't look now!
You're pissing on your neighbors foo ...
3000There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ...
2900You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
...
2800Humanity is divided into two: the masters and the slaves.
...
2700 "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circl ...
2600"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smok ...
2500"Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents"
...
2400"I think I have it. A man talking sense to himself is no madder ...
2300Illiterate? Write today for free help.
...
2200 It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
...
2100Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
...
2000Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
...
1900I never let schooling interfere with my education
...
180099 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
...
1700I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn' ...
1600I've got some employees who have been around here
so long they ...
1500
At bedtime, when my wife asks "Is everything shut-up for ...
1400"The crux... is that the vast majority of the
mass of the unive ...
1300"To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit ...
1200"I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets a ...
1100"Adelaide water: The closest thing to Guinness without actually ...
1000He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by de ...
900 * If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell ...
800"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
...
700"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears
comes ...
600Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean w ...
500"Shoot for the stars, otherwise gravity gets in your way."
...
400"Yes means no and no means yes. Delete all your files? [y/n]"
...
300Man does not control his own fate.
The women in his life do tha ...
200"I think I'd like to see a Simpsons episode start up with Bart S ...
100Don't marry someone you can live with....Marry someone you can't ...
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